Oh Drama Class..

Today in drama class we were put into groups of twos and threes, and we had to improvise a scene.
My groups' situation was that we were three boys who were going skiing and we were fighting over how we should load out truck.
The catch was, we were two European men, and one Canadian man, who were very homosexual.

It was doubly awesome because we had amazing accents, and many gay innuendos were made.
The teacher didn't really understand them, which made them even funnier.

The on-going argument of the improv was that we were fighting over where the skis should be loaded.
One of the most repeated lines being, "No, Jukka, I want it loaded in the back."
The skit ended with our Canadian partner, Doug,  saying, "Jukka, Hanse, just put one ski on the top, and one at the back."
It was one of the best skits ever. I'm going to be using my hanse persona off and on for the rest of the improvisation unit.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Long time no see, and skinny jean dilemma.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my early morning vocal class with my friend Dani, and I was telling her about the night before, when I was trying to pick my outfit for the day.
I had tried on basically every pair of jeans I owned, and there was this one specific pair of jeans that one I put them on, my tummy basically rolled over the top.
I looked like a muffin.
It was about 11 at night when this happened, and I was really emotional because it happened to be one of my best pair of jeans.
So I texted my mom from upstairs, because I didn't want to scream down the stairs and wake my brothers up.
The text message read, "Mommy help me, I'm fat :(:(:(."(notice the sad faces)
So she comes walking up the stairs, and I can hear her chuckling, an she gets into my room and I start crying.
She tells me, "XCenedra, you're not fat. It's the pants. Not you."
And I'm like," BUT THE PANTS FIT ME OVER THE SUMMER!!" And she was like "Well, looks like they shrunk."
She was just so nonchalant about it. I could tell she was trying to fool me into not being sad...And it worked.

So upon telling this to Dani in vocal class, this boy Jeremy was sitting beside us and started laughing. And I was all like, "Don't you DARE laugh at my pants issue, sir!"
Boys...They don't understand the issue of pants..They can wear boxers and it's "Basically" socially acceptable.

By the way, check out my friend Dani's blog. She's totally awesome, and supermegafoxyawesomehot. Not to mention funny, and attracted to old people.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

I Hate My Misfortune...

So today I got thrown up on by an old man who didn't speak English.
Yes, you heard me right.
Even now, since it's been at least 6 and a half hours since it's happened, I feel like I could cry about it.
It may have been the second nastiest thing I've experienced in my life. The first being accidentally eating hand lotion...I don't recommend eating hand lotion that's cinnamon flavored, if any of you were ever to eat hand lotion.

Anyway, the story goes, I was walking back home from school,  and I was just mindin' my own business, walking down the street like a boss, and a bus comes up beside me, and pulls into the bus stop that's in front of me. Just as I'm walking passed the bus stop, an old man stumbles out, and projectile vomits on my shirt, (thankfully, and mysteriously missing my favorite light blue skirt I was wearing earlier) and the pavement area around me.
And now I know I'm making this whole situation all like and airy, but let me make myself clear. HE THREW UP. ON ME. ME!
Do you have any idea how utterly disgusting that is?!
Some man, who I didn't even know, emptied his stomach content on my person!


As soon as it happened, I had one of those moments that never leaves you no matter how much you want to forget it.
 It was the kind of moment when you're standing there in shock, and you don't know what to do, and you're body is all tense, and then once you snap out of it you think, "What the HELL just happened!? Oh dear God."

So there I am, soiled with a mans vomit...just standing there in shock. If I wouldn't have been around other people, I would have sat down, and started crying. I'm not talking about the girly "pretty" crying you see in movies. I would have man cried. You'll understand that term if you've ever seen a man cry hysterically.

I had to fight with myself with everything I had, to stop myself from throwing up as well.

So, I looked at the man, then turned around an walked away, and started going back home again. The man didn't apologize. Didn't say anything. I don't believe he even spoke English.

So I got home, ripped off my clothes as soon as I dropped my bag off in my room, and ran into the bathroom, put my clothes in the tub, and took the hottest shower I've ever had in my life.

The physical evidence of the event may not be there anymore...But the emotional scars will never go away...

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Boys and Their Genetalia

Moments ago, my brothers were talking about how many things they've gotten their penises stuck in.
I find it kind of odd that I'm cringing at the though, because I don't by any means, have a penis, or anything like a penis.

Anyway, Rene, the 9 year old, when he was about 1 or 2 years old, we had this miniature fan, and Rene would always run around the house naked, so one day he was sitting down playing with the fan. and all of a sudden he starts screaming. When we all rush into the room, we found that his penis was stuck in the fan...We still don't know what exactly happened, and I don't think I really want to know how he managed that.

And as for Jean-Paul, the 6 year old, when he was 3 or 4 years old, he was playing with a light saber naked. So, he was sitting down, and playing with it, and all of a sudden he closed the light saber, and got his foreskin stuck in one of the cracks. You know, like, the folds in the light saber that makes it close?

Yeah...I think if I had a penis, I would definitely want it to get stuck in a light saber if it had to get stuck at all. Because that's just a badass way of hurting yourself.

Jean-Paul thinks it's so awesome that his junk got caught in a light saber. In fact, he still has that light saber. And he'll show it and tell the story to anyone who will listen.
Rene doesn't have as much humor for that. I think we threw that fan out....Shame, I'd have shown it at his wedding.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

This Is Why I'm So Smart

So, nothing really interesting has happened today except for about five minutes ago when I took off my headphones from listening music, and my mom was laying on top of my youngest brother saying, "I am NOT getting off of you until you say Wednesday! You need to say the days of the week."
I was slightly weirded out by this, and then I had a flashback to when I was learning the days of the week at his age.

Instead of laying on me, she just put catnip on my face and let the cat lick me until I completed the days of the week.

In the long run, I'm pretty sure it worked for my educaton. Of course she used that method for other lessons, and I think the only scars that I have from that method is randomly screaming when I see the continent of Africa, and having a nervous twitch every time I'm asked what 2+2 equals.

(Yes, I was homeschooled. Don't judge us, my family is probably the only one who teaches this way. Which is obviously the right way of teaching. Look at how I turned out.)

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Some people shouldn't go out in public

So yesterday I was at a restaurant with some of my friends, watching my one friend's band play.

So, we're just minding out own business at our table, everyone was eating supper, when this guy walks passed, kind of stops in front of our table, starts rubbing his stomach saying, "That looks good!" And then he walked away.

My friends and I were just looking at each other going, "What the heck? Who was that guy?"

Personally, I'm guessing he was some kind of time traveller going back in time to tell us about the destruction of the universe, but he got distracted by our food and forgot.

Also, there was this one guy, that was standing near the booth next to ours with REALLY tight pants...And it just to happened that he had a really massive erection...It was really awkward, because I could see EVERYTHING. And I couldn't look away.

Like, it was one of those things that you wanted to look away from, but because it's just so awkward, and noticeable, you can't.

So, I couldn't stop looking, and then he finally walked away and I turned over to my friends, and I was like, "Okay, I'm going to text one of you, and then you need to pass it over to Jessie, because this is way to embarrassing to mention out loud, and the guy is like, right there."

So I texted one of them, and then the phone made it rounds around the table. And then one of my friends was like "WHO!? Where!? LET ME SEE!"

I hang out around awesome people. Less than three, guys. Less than three. <3

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Art school FTW

So guys, I've just been accepted to an art school. The name of the school I will leave out, because 1. I think it's illegal, and 2. I don't really want you guys finding my school and gunning everyone down. Not that you would do that, right?

So, today I went to go get registered, and my mom and I ended up going to the wrong room. We went to the guidance office instead of the front desk. So we get there, and the lady was like "So when would you like your appointment to be?" And we were kinda like "Urm...We had an appointment already." For some reason this lady was really hard of hearing. And she was like, "What?" And then we repeated and then she was like "OH! You need to go down the hallway to the front desk."

So we get to the front desk and the head secretary kind of looked like Leonard's Ex-Girlfriend from the Big Bang Theory (Not penny, the other one) And she took one look at us and was like, "Ex-enedra?" And my mom and I were like, "No, XCenedra. Su-Ned-Ra." And then Leonard's Ex-girlfriend was like, "Same thing."

So once the principal was done with the first client, we were let in, and she was one of the nicest ladies ever. So much cooler than my last principal. (He was a bit of a grump, and he liked to swear and use old street slang during assemblies.)

We talked about my grades, and she said that they were really good, and that  I'm definitely in.

I asked her about the electives for classes, and she gave me a list. And I found out that I can take Italian. And  I figured out why *they* specifically taught Italian, and that's because the school is located in a very Italian part of town.

So, when I become fluent, I will be able to communicate in Italian to old Italian ladies and talking about "The old country" and such. And maybe go to Italy...And talk to some more old ladies.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Stripping a Boy of His Manhood

At camp, as soon as we got back from our canoe trip, and we were waiting for the bus to arrive and pick us up and bring us back to camp, Ethan, a guy who was on the trip, was bragging about his one really long nipple/chest hair.

The two male camp counsellors, Galaxy and Bender (Camp names) over heard this, and then walked up to Ethan and said. "You shouldn't have said that."

And Ethan's friends held him down while Galaxy and Bender plucked his nipple/chest hair.

It was really funny, because it was just like one, lone, long chest hair right beside his nipple.

Ethan was screaming the whole time, and saying, "NO GUYS! COME ON! HE'S MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND! IT TOOK FOREVER TO GROW HIM!!!"

And then they finally plucked it, and then walked away.

Ethan was just laying there in shock for a few seconds and looking up at the sky. Then all of a sudden he was like, "AHH! *lifts up shirt and looks and takes a deep breath* AHH!!!" And it went like that for about 3 minutes.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Severus Snake Vs. Neville Frogbottom

Hey guys! I'm finally back from camp, and I had a blast!
I met some really awesome new people, and I have some really fun experiences.

There was this one instance when my camp group was on our canoeing trip. We had had a storm earlier that morning, and the wind and a little bit of rain was all that was left behind.

We thought it was fog at first, and then we were like "HOLY CRAP! That's rain!" So we had to pack up everything as fast as we could.

Believe it or not, it got darker than this. And keep in mind that this was in the morning. It was like night all over again when it hit.

In case none of you know, I'm pretty much terrified of canoeing because of a very horrible first experience.

Anyway, we had to canoe against the wind that morning, and I had to steer, which I'm not very good at.

So, my partner, Nour, and I are trying to keep up with the group, while going against the wind. There were pretty large waves, and the wind was very rough.

We go to turn around a corner of a small island, when we get stuck on rocks. The canoe before us had the same problem, so we didn't really think it would be hard to get out, because they got out fairly quickly.

Nour gets out of the boat, and tries to pull us over these rocks, and every time he got us out of that little area, the wind and the waves would just put us back in. So after about 6-7 minutes of him trying to get us out, I thought I'd give it a go.

I tries for at least 8 minutes, and then gave up.

I started crying tears of frustration, exhaustion, and fear, because we could no longer see our group.

And let me tell you, it wasn't those cutesy little princess tears.

I was sobbing uncontrollably. I was wet, cold, and scared, and I couldn't really think of anything else to do besides cry.

So my partner, Nour, was all like "Don't cry, XCenedra! We can make it out of this! EVERY THING'S GOING TO BE OKAY! OKAY!?!?"

So we just sat there, with me crying until a canoe filled with our counsellors came back and helped us out.

Funny, and not so funny enough, the whole rest of the day went pretty much like that.

After that eventful canoe trip, we made it to our final camp site before we headed back to camp. When our vessel hit land, Nour and I were basically rolling on the ground with joy....And yet we were only in the canoe for about three hours.

 I knew I would never make it as a sailor..

Anyway, once we set up both of our camp sites, we were eating lunch, when all of a sudden my friend Naomi was all like, "GUYS! Look! There's a snake eating a frog!" So everyone ran over by our tent, and watched a snake eat a frog for almost 45 minutes.

The snake's name is Severus Snake, and the frog's name is Neville Frogbottom.

We discussed this whilst Neville was being eaten.

It was rather amusing, because pretty much all of the boys were amazed that all the girls were fascinated by a snake eating a frog.

But then again, it did take the boys at least 45 minutes to find fire wood, and yet only come back with four sticks. I think on this trip, the girls were better than the boys on performance, and all around activity.

Good fight, boys.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Vacation!!

Hey guys, I probably won't be doing any blog posts for the next two weeks, because my friend Kary is coming down to where I live, and then we're going up to a camp that we go to every year together. So, I will try to write, but I will probably be way to excited about putting gummy bears in a bathtub of water (That's what we do in our spare time, people.)

So, to entertain you, watch this video (but not while you're eating) and be amazed by all that is Japan.

Still no cure for cancer, but as long as we can eat our own poop as a protein supplement, the world is progressing!

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Cannibalism, my friends, is barely tolerable.

If you're easily offended by the act of eating puerto rican children, or are from Children's Aid and could possibly sue me and/or send the mafia after me, skip this post. And if I don't offend you, please tell me, and I'll be sure to do it next time.

I was in the kitchen earlier and I was stirring a pot of curried chicken, when my dad yelled from the other room what smelled so good, when I apparently heard him wrong. Here's how it went.

Dad: What smells so good!?

Me: Little children in curry!

Dad: Do we have the Puerto Rican kind??

Me whispering to my mom: Did dad just ask us if we were cooking Puerto Rican children with curry?

My mom: Uhm...No. He asked if it was the spicy kind of curry.

I think she's just covering up his addiction to puerto rican children. He's probably been importing chunks of puerto rican orphan meat for years, and hasn't come out with it yet.

It's Okay, dad. I get it. I totally understand why you wouldn't be open about this. I know how cruel the mobsters can be about not paying them in time for their orphan meat.

(Obviously he's been buying it through the mafia all this time. Don't judge me)

By the way, I was totally joking (really.) about cooking children, it's actually chicken, but my dad totally jumped the gun on the whole "Let's-eat-Puerto Rican-children" deal.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

The art of pizza folding

A few minutes ago, I was really excited because we had leftover pizza from last night (Don't you judge me. You know you get excited over leftover pizza, too.) So I go into the fridge, and find a really small, rectangular container, which looked too small for pizza to be put into.

So, I take it out, and open it, and this is what I find.

Only my brother Rene could be able to do this...He folded the pizza, to make it fit in that container.

I'm completely baffled because we have at least fifty million containers (courtesy of my mom's storage habit..Or obsession. How ever you want to look at it is your choice.) that he can use to put pizza away!

HE FOLDED IT! It just makes me so mad, because the pizza is all crimpled!

I CAN'T EAT CRIMPLED PIZZA!! IT MUST BE PERFECT!

Stupid 9 year old..ruining my pizza...God has a sense of humour, because he made me related to Rene.

Sometimes, when I ask Rene to do something, like load the dishwasher, he'll be sitting on the couch going, "I...I JUST CAN'T! I'M TOO STRESSED!"

Then I'm like, "YOU WEREN'T STRESSED TWO SECONDS AGO WHEN I ASKED YOU TO DO THE DISHES! IT'S JUST iCARLY! You've seen all the reruns at least twice!"

And then of course I end up doing it dishes anyway.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Birthday sex and unicorns

So, today's my birthday.
I think one of the most amusing birthday wall posts I've gotten today was "Happy day of expulsion from your mother's womb."

I am happy that I was expelled from her.

On the weekend I had a few friends over and we went to the beach..At that beach, I don't think you want to know what happened, but I'm going to tell you all anyway.

My friends Jessie and Jen were with me at the beach (Shout out to you two!) and on the way there, we were saying that we hope we don't see any old men in speedos...I think we jinxed the CRAP out of ourselves.

Meet the Duff Man. That's what Jen dubbed him as.

It kind of looks like he's going to dominate that child in front of him, and while he may not look that old on that picture, he definitely was.

There was one point during the day where we were climbing out of the water, and The Duff Man was splayed out on a beach towel...I think if we had kicked his butt, it would have jiggled like a giant bowl of jell-o.

At the end of the beach trip, we were all sitting on our towels When Jessie said "The only way this can get better if there was a midget massaging us." So we then decided that we wanted an albino midget masseuse named Wilfred.

Any albino midget masseuse readers, call me. I need your little midgets hands....

Any way, on a different note, I finished my unicorn for Cece,

I'm rather proud of it. I think I will name her Cupcake face. Every time I see it I just wanna eat something...I can hear my hips complaining about that now.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Reply to the post below

Here is my duckie

His name is Dr.Quackers Vonhermie-shmerm. Duckie for short. The JE in the top let corner stands for "Just Eaten" ..I've always wanted to eat a duck...

And also,

The chickens have multiplied!! PREPARE FOR THE CHICKOCOPOLYPSE!!!!

 

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

The babysitting chronicles, and ducks.

I just notice that a lot of my blog posts are about babysitting. Which isn't a bad thing, but I find it a little bit funny. (I'm guessing you guys find it funny in a whole different way, though. ;P)

So I just started learning how to embroider, and I'm almost done my first piece of work. It's a cute little ducky. I'll have a picture of it down here when I'm done.

Anyway, last night I was babysitting, and working on my duckie as we were all watching TV. The youngest little girl, Cece for short, and the second youngest, Audry, asked me to make them each an embroidered piece of fabric.

I said, "Gee guys, I dunno. I'm not that good at it, and I'm still trying to finish this one."

So then Cece looks up at me with a cute little puppy-eyed expression and says, "Pa-leeeeeeease? Can you make me a unicorn? Except make it me *as* the unicorn!"

At that time I said no, but now I realize how totally stupid I was, and probably high on an unknown substance to say no to such an awesome thing!

So yes, Cece, I will make you a unicorn....As soon as I figure out how.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Apparently I have big boobs?

Today I was babysitting, and the little girl and I decided to play in her pool.
So we're swimmin', when all of a sudden she looks at me very seriously and asks, "XCenedra, are you going to be a mom? Because you have big boobs just like my mom!"

I couldn't answer her because I was trying not to laugh.
I'm glad at least one person thinks I have big breasts.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Bring me your chickens!

I am going on a chicken rampage.
I think I might even be dreaming about chickens subconsciously.
Earlier today my mom bought me more chicken stickers! And this time there are different colours!



Look! there's a red one, and a yellow one, and a white one!
All I need in a blue one and I'm set.
 (Are there even blue chickens?
 someone needs to find me one)





I think I'll call this chicken stage a chickenaganza!






I couldn't decide between chickenaganza, and chickengasm. Leave a comment for whatever you like the best.

In other news, I spent Saturday with my best friend, Karly. (SHOUT OUT TO KARLY! I want your babies!)
We walked into this store call Green Earth in the mall, and the employees wouldn't leave us alone.

We would be looking at some candles, and then one would like, fall from the ceiling and be like, "HOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY!!?"
And we'd be like "o.o...You can stop doing a poor imitation of batman, and maybe help us buy this lime candle."

All in all, it was a good Saturday.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Oh, my family is amusing...

Today, I was bored, and I found giant farm animal stickers.
Now you all know what happens when I get a hold of stickers.
That's right. I go insane.

Isn't this little feller just the sweetest little thing?

So, this is what I did. I stuck this chicken sticker to the front door, and taped that sign under it. Isn't my handwriting  just lovely?


That's sarcasm, people.
I have yet for someone to come to the door...Which is a real shame because this is just pure genius. Also, for some reason my own mother hasn't even noticed...I'll have to talk to her about that..

But anyway, when I took this picture, and was uploading it to my computer, there was a video amongst the pictures.
This is what I found. A video addressed to my mom, from my brother.

Apparently what had happened was, my brother was watching the younger two boys, and the 9 year old, Rene, had gotten angry at Ray-Jean, and bit him.

Obviously this video was never shown to my mother..because if it was I would have seen it, and it would be in a file titled "Things to show at Ray-Jean's wedding"
When I found this I couldn't stop laughing. And I still can't. This is funnier than my chicken.
I love my family...

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Oh 90s, how I miss thee..By the way, WTHeck Japan?

Hey guys, remember Full House? I used to LOVE that show, and I've spent the last two hours watching reruns.
Have you ever noticed how mean everyone is to Kimmie? I don't understand why she just kept sticking around the house when she was clearly not wanted there.
I think my favorite characters have to be Uncle Jessie, and Joey. Uncle Jessie because he's a sexy beast, and Joey because he's amusing. Without them, I don't think the show would be nearly as funny.
I miss how TV shows used to be innocent, and had values....I miss the 90s...*sniff*

But that's not why I'm here. I googled Full House because I wanted to find a picture for the blog, and also because I wanted to see what the actors look like now.
Did you know that Japan has a Full House? I mean, Why?
Look at this! It's an abomination!



What is this??















I want to know what this is about.
Although it can't be any good. Just look at that one guy's eye. It looks like it could stare into your soul. And it looks like he's trying to say, "Help! they're holding me against my will, and only paying me four dumplings an hour! I'm being forced to look like I'm strangling this woman while she looks off in the distance."

What is with that woman, anyway? Is she in some kind of stupor? High? I don't even know.
I'm giving up on Japan, and them making sense. I bet that show doesn't even have any morals...
*sniff* Oh 90s...

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Life is boring right now

Like the title, nothing in my life over the passed couple of days has been remotely funny, amusing, or even comical.

At the moment I'm watching Sucker Punch which is a really cool movie so far. I recommend every one should watch it as long as they like explosions, fighting, and awesome effects.

So, instead of boring everyone with my none-interesting life, here's a video by Julian Smith, of Jeffery singing a song that will get stuck inside your head.

Enjoy

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

tofu makes you thin.

Today I ran into the grocery store for my mom to pick up some chips. (And by chips, I mean condoms. My mom likes to traumatized me..) (I'm joking, I actually got chips.) So I was waiting in the check out when this 10 year old girl and her mom pull up behind me.

I'm waiting for my turn, when I hear the little girl say to her mom, "Why do we have to go on this stupid diet?" And the mom was silent for a second and then said in a really exasperated way, "I'm not even going to answer that. Why do you think?"
The little girl then said, "Is it because you're fat?"
The mom was livid. But I couldn't stop laughing. I think that little girl could have been my child in a passed life...Because I can imagine my children pulling stuff of like that.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Smurf Menstrual blood...

Today I was watching TV in my underwear while eating cornflakes off of myself like I usually do, when I came across this feminine hygiene commercial.

At the end of the commercial I was killing myself laughing, the sarcasm is just so rich through out the whole thing.
My favorite part is when the lady says, "The ads on TV are really helpful, 'cause they use that blue liquid. And I'm like 'Oh, that's what's supposed to happen."
And all the while I'm just like, "I know right!? What is that, anyway? Smurf menstrual blood??"
And then of course my mom walks in and tells me to stop talking to the TV about ridiculous things.

I also enjoy when she says, "I like to twirl. Maybe in slow motion. And I do it in my white spandex."
I showed that part to my one close guy friends and he was like, "I don't get it." And I was like, "How can you not get it?! It's like an unspoken rule that you never wear white, tight pants on your period" And then he was like, "..Why?"
I love him to death.
I'm guessing most guys didn't get it either. But still, I thought it was common knowledge.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

P.S.
Yesterday I was laughing really hard while writing yesterday's post for some reason, and I was telling my friend Jessie (SHOUT OUT TO YOU JESSIE! I love yo face!) that at one point I had to walk away because I couldn't stop laughing. My mom asked my I was laughing and I said, "You wouldn't understand my logic..."
Jessie said she could imagine that whole scene happening. It's very picturesque.

I'm a horrible person...But that's what makes me funny.

Last night my family and I were watching one of those TV shows about missing children, and you know, it's one of those TV shows that you only watch when you're really bored and nothing else is on, and the narrator is always some really intimidating deep voice that you expect to hear saying, "Hello, children. I have some kittens in my van, I can..Show ya' if you want."

So, anyway, the missing girls' last name was Bible. And during one of the narrated parts the scary rapist man said, "The Bibles' sped down the road to where the ashes of the house were still smoldering, and they gathered there with the police."
I started giggling and I turned to my mom and was like, "Ha...Can you imagine a giant horde of bibles running down a country road and then gathering around a burning house? I mean that's just comical!"
And then my mom kind of looked at me like this, -.-...
And I was like, "...Am I a horrible person for finding that funny?"
She said nothing.

I'm either really sick and twisted, or an optimist. I'll let you guys decide.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Prophecy whales

Today I was told a prophecy.
A prophecy saying that once I find the stuffed whale on the roof of an RV, I will achieve true happiness.

It's probably true, too. I know that I would be immensely happy if I had a stuffed whale...Maybe if it was big enough I could ride on it.
Or maybe it's just a joke. It was told to me by some crazy telemarketer...I was just about to hang up when he was like "Wait! A prophecy I have for you!" in his Indian/Yoda accent.
I don't really understand why it's always me that this stuff happens to..

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Smoking kills puppies.

So, I don't have really anything to write about that would remotely amuse and of my readers, so, I'm just going to ramble aimlessly about stuff no one really cares about, and maybe throw in a video that I like.

To start:
Who came up with the name kiwi for a fruit? I mean seriously, WTF!?

Why do a lot of people who smoke, complain about wanting to quit? Really, if you want to quit bad enough, you'll put that freaking cigarette down and be like "I WILL NO LONGER FILL MY LUNGS WITH POISON, AND KILL PUPPIES WITH MY SECOND HAND SMOKE!!"

Another thing, why is it that in the Grudge movies, when the actor who is trying to watch out for the Grudge doesn't hear her coming?  And why doesn't the Grudge make her "UHHHHHH!!!!" sound until the person notices her, or looks at her?! I don't comprehend!

Why are so many people concerned about moisturising? I mean I'll be talking to someone, and they'll be like "Excuse me, I just need to moisturise my face/legs/arms/goldfish Ect.

Why do a lot of people my age only read the Twilight Sega? And then be like, "Oh yeah, I read all the time." And then I'll be like, "really? What books have you read?" And then they'll say, "The Twilight books." And then I'll look and them and be like, "-.-'...Only Twilight?" And then they'll be like "Yeah."

Why do hobos choose to live in the dirtiest places? I mean surely they can find a better place than a dumpster. If I were a hobo, I would live under someones porch. And then when they had company, and I started making noise their visitors would be like, "Do you have someone under your porch?" And then they'd be like "yeah, that's just the hobo. *stomps foot* KEEP IT DOWN UNDER THERE YOU FILTHY HOBO!" and then I would grunt in reply. But it would be an awesome grunt. Like this: "UUHHHHHHHHHAJHDGGGGG!" And then maybe throw in a few fart noises.

And that's all I have for my weird ramblings.

PS. Today I was at my uncles house, and when we left he gave my brothers these helium filled balloons. So I walked into the kitchen after they all went to bed, and there they were just floatin' around. And I was out loud, "I want to suck their balloons..." (I like sucking helium, it's fun.) And my mom from the other room was like, "That doesn't sound wrong at all."


~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Little kid logic: Tree forts are now hot tubs.

So I just walked outside to put something in the garage, and my 6 year old brother says, "Hey Nedra." As I'm walking down the steps I happen to look up into our tree fort, and there he is, in his underwear, in all his half-naked glory. I say to him, "Hi Jean-Paul...Why are you in your underwear in the fort?"
And he gives me this innocent little smile and says, "Because this is my hot tub! I'm swimming!" And then he starts making these silly swimming actions.

It's moments like those I wish I would record and then play them back on his wedding day.
I really hope he gets a really awesome wife, because that little hot tubbin' munchkin deserves someone awesome.
And I will know that she's awesome if she has weird moments when she makes random animal noises for no reason(Like my self..Moo) or if she answers the question, "Are you a whale, or a jellyfish?", with either of those choices or both.
Now, if she comes up with something more awesome like, a gnome, or some sort of amazing animal, that counts, too.
But if she goes, "Uhm..Neither." Or gives me a really lame answer like, "I'm a human."  Then she's getting kicked to the curb, plain and simple. Sorry Jean-Paul, but that's the way it works.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Old people are what keep me youthful

So today I went to the drug store with my mom to pick up some medication and Spectro Jel which is supposed to heal acne. Before getting it I was walking through the isles while my mom was looking at something, and I happened to walk passed this couple discussing laxatives. So the older man said, "I can't get this one, because last time it didn't work, and I had to keep eating prunes." And then the lady was like, "You like prunes, though. They're good for you too. Just get this one with the happy lady on the front." And he was like, "I'm not getting a laxative with a happy lady on it because as soon as I go to sit on the toilet I'm going to be thinking of that damn lady smiling at me." And then she was all, "Are you saying you can't poop when you're thinking about ladies smiling at you?" And he started laughing a little bit and he was like, "Well you try pooping when you imagine a lady smiling at you." And then she said, "You know what. I'm just going to smile at you through the door while you're doing your business. You need to get over this crazy fear of yours, or else you'll end up on one of those TLC reality TV shows about strange phobias!"
I couldn't stop smiling as I was walking back to my mom. Old people just kill me sometimes. I hope I become a really awesome old person. If I was put into a nursing home I would terrorize visitors by following them around in my wheel chair while barking at them. Anyway.
After we got my medication and everything we were walking out of the store, and girl, who couldn't have been more than six was walking outside with her mom and she was like, "Mommy, can you pick me up? My legs are tiiiiiiiiired." and then she promptly sat down on the ground, and refused to move until her mom picked her up.
At this point, I was wondering if it would work, so I sat down in the parking lot and said, "Mom! I'm tired!!! Can you carry me to the car?"
My mom just looked at me and said, "XCenedra. Really. You're two inches taller than I am, and probably weigh more than me. I'm not going to pick you up. You can sit there for as long as you want, but I'm leaving if you don't get up." And then she walked to the van.
I'm kind of glad my mom didn't pick me up, because not only would the image look really strange, but she probably would have hurt herself in the process.

I need to bring an exorcist with me when I babysit

So last night I was babysitting at this lady's house and by the end of the night I was ready to get out of there.
I put the kids down around 10:30 and then I finished watching The Lord of the Rings. So, about an hour later I was just chillin' on the couch and all of a sudden I hear someone inhale, and exhale really deeply from upstairs, and then I hear running down the hallway. I was like "o.o Oh my gosh, Insidious...Where's the record player and Tiny Tim music!??" Fortunately they didn't have a record player, but I nearly pooped myself when my ring tone went off, and it played All the Single Ladies.
The weird occurrence happened every 15 minutes, and after the third time I walked up stairs into the hall way and said, "Okay Mr.Ghost, I'm guessing you're constipated, because you keep running to the bathroom, but could you at least keep it down? I'm trying to read Dracula.Sheesh."  And then I went back down stairs and it happened again!
I was totally getting fet up, and getting really freaked out, so I just kinda sat there. I imagined the ghost coming downstairs wearing Family Guy boxers and having a really hairy chest and being all like "Baby, come on, I just need to take my laxative. Once I'm done you and I can chill in the attic and I can show you my ghost moan." And then I would be like, " Uhm, excuse me? I'm on babysitting duty, and even if I wasn't, you're like what, 150 years old? Please grandpa, maybe you should take some Viagra with that laxative, and then come and find me."
After I was done thinking that though it sounded like someone fell down the stairs and I was like, "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THE OLD MAN FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!" So I ran to a corner of the room where I could see that nothing was going to get me and I kinda sobbed and silently prayed that I wouldn't get attacked by an old man ghost until I saw a frikken huge centipede run across the floor. So I sat on the couch and tried not to pee myself for the rest of the night.
Night well spent. Except next time I'm bringing holy water.

PS. I find it funny how the link I put for the Insidious song says "Best English Songs ever" in the title. Who would have thought that that freaky ass song would be categorized as one of the best English songs ever.

My twin named Mr.Timn, and my new name.

Today my friend told me that I reminded her of this one youtube character, Mr.Timn, by Julian Smith.

I'm not sure whether I should be flattered, or disturbed that I remind her of a man who harasses people through their widows.

I told her this when she said I reminded her of Mr.Timn and she said, "Well it's not as if you have a penis, as far as I know."

I looked at her, completely baffled and said "As far as you know!? Are you questioning my womanhood!? How do you think I got these fantastic boobs!?" and she was like, "There are some pretty skilled plastic surgeons in Canada." And I said, "Why would I go to a plastic surgeon to get breast implants if I was a man!? If I was man I would embrace my manhood!...Also, I would probably name my penis Pubert, change my last name to Bates, and get myself a butler who calls me Master." And she was like "...Why would you change your name to Bates and get a butler?"

And was all, "So he would call me Master Bates."

And she said, "...I feel sorry for your parents sometimes."

Pfft, if she feels sorry for anyone it should be my therapist.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Testicles are a common topic...Really!

A conversation I had with my brother moments ago.

Ray-jean(Brother): Would you like some chicken testicles with that face?

Me: Would you like some chicken testicles on *your* face?

Ray-Jean: Sure, I heard testicles are a known delicacy in Japan.

Me: I heard that *your* testicles are an UNknown delicacy in Japan.

Ray-Jean: How are they unknown?

Me: Because you have none!

Jean-Paul(youngest brother): OOOHHHHH!!!!

Me: See? He agrees with me.

Ray-Jean: (He whispered this in my ear) Shut your vagina -.-

Mean while my mother is in the other room laughing her face off. I think she's totally given up intervening with our immature humor. One woman can only take so much insanity...Unless she's a crazy cat lady who washes her hair with cat feces.
The first sign of extreme insanity is owning two or more cats and washing your hair with cat feces.
If you don't catch the signs soon enough, then you're pretty much doomed and might as well start dressing your two or more cats in dresses while pretending they're your children and planting kitchen appliances in your garden...Speaking of which I think I forgot to water the blender today.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Sometimes, you just have to dress up in a panda suit to feel pretty.

Today I've realized that I would look my best in a purple panda suit....And maybe if I didn't have friends I would be one of those people who's convinced that they're part animal, and always wear those needlessly large animal suits. I don't really understand those people. I mean, do you just wake up one day, pee on the carpet and say "Today, I am a dog!!" ?
If that ever happened though, I would probably start my own job as a party entertainer by day, and panda girl by night!
I will fight crime with an iron/squishy panda fist, making all evil do-ers cook me burritos, and threaten to sit on all who don't! And on slow nights, I'll just jump out and scare people.
But yeah..This is what it looks like..I want it more than a crack addict wants crack..

On another note, tomorrow is my last exam!!! *crowds cheering* I no longer have to go to that oppressive crack house our society calls school anymore...At least not until September.
Maybe if I get a purple panda suit, I'll wear it on the first day of school, and tackle random people.
Just imagine..Walking through the halls, and then a purple panda jumps on you, screaming a war chant...Good times...Good times..

On that note, I leave you with a picture of Will Smith.

I question whether it's me who's insane, or the world

Today, my therapist told me I was dysfunctional. Like I didn't already know that. (Physiotherapist, that is.)
While my limbs were being stretched and tenderized for the cannibalistic spawn my mother produced, I came to wonder what a frog would look like if it had a seizure. 
Then of course my mind went else where I thought about what it would be like if frogs ruled the world, and made humans their slaves and forced us to do the macarena at awkward times.
Needless to say, my mom agrees with my therapist.

I've also come to a conclusion as to how my mother has gotten her hair to be so shiny. My conclusion is cat feces. I told her this today on my home from therapy and this is pretty much how the conversation went.

Me: Mom, I know how you get your hair so shiny.

Mom: Really. What do you think it is?

Me: Cat feces.

Mom: *gasp* How did you know!?

Me: Well, it took a while, but I finally figured it out. All those times you said you were going for a walk, you were lying! You actually went to some crazy cat lady farm, and collected all of the cat feces.

Mom: Well, the secrets out. Now you know that I'm a crazy cat lady who washes her hair with cat poop.

Me: It's okay mom, I still love you, no matter what you wash your hair with.




I'm glad I have a mother who goes along with my weird antics. If not, they would have left me in a dumpster with the promise of free candy inside.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Sometimes you just need to shake your head and walk away.

About mid January I was talking to this one girl who sat beside me in french class. Now, let me fill you in on how this conversation came about. I was wearing bunny fur boots (which were killed humanely. Trust me, I know this.) And this is the conversation we had about these particular boots.

• Girl: How could you wear those boots! They were once bunnies!!!!
• Me: This is true, but they keep my feets warm. *wiggles feets*
• Girl: That's animal cruelty!
• Me: No, these were made by my mom's friend, who's a bunny farmer! He killed these bunnies humanely. I am not cruel to animals. Plus, you wear leather all the time, you shouldn't be hypocritical.
• Girl: Leather isn't an animal.
• Me: ....Yes it is. Leather is cows hide.
• Girl: Really? I didn't know that.
• Me: *Face palm* 

At that point I had to walk away. I knew I was going to start giggling like a drunk who's been told a knock-knock joke.
Some people shouldn't be allowed to go to school, especially if they're going to make a fool out of themselves.

Then again, this is coming from a girl who chews gum like a cow. I can't really expect anything more from her. Maybe one day the lightbulb will turn on...One day.

First post, WOO HOO!

Hai ^^
This is my first attempt at a blog, so, we'll see how it goes.
Well, here I go!