So last night I was babysitting at this lady's house and by the end of the night I was ready to get out of there.
I put the kids down around 10:30 and then I finished watching The Lord of the Rings. So, about an hour later I was just chillin' on the couch and all of a sudden I hear someone inhale, and exhale really deeply from upstairs, and then I hear running down the hallway. I was like "o.o Oh my gosh, Insidious...Where's the record player and Tiny Tim music!??" Fortunately they didn't have a record player, but I nearly pooped myself when my ring tone went off, and it played All the Single Ladies.
The weird occurrence happened every 15 minutes, and after the third time I walked up stairs into the hall way and said, "Okay Mr.Ghost, I'm guessing you're constipated, because you keep running to the bathroom, but could you at least keep it down? I'm trying to read Dracula.Sheesh." And then I went back down stairs and it happened again!
I was totally getting fet up, and getting really freaked out, so I just kinda sat there. I imagined the ghost coming downstairs wearing Family Guy boxers and having a really hairy chest and being all like "Baby, come on, I just need to take my laxative. Once I'm done you and I can chill in the attic and I can show you my ghost moan." And then I would be like, " Uhm, excuse me? I'm on babysitting duty, and even if I wasn't, you're like what, 150 years old? Please grandpa, maybe you should take some Viagra with that laxative, and then come and find me."
After I was done thinking that though it sounded like someone fell down the stairs and I was like, "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THE OLD MAN FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!" So I ran to a corner of the room where I could see that nothing was going to get me and I kinda sobbed and silently prayed that I wouldn't get attacked by an old man ghost until I saw a frikken huge centipede run across the floor. So I sat on the couch and tried not to pee myself for the rest of the night.
Night well spent. Except next time I'm bringing holy water.
PS. I find it funny how the link I put for the Insidious song says "Best English Songs ever" in the title. Who would have thought that that freaky ass song would be categorized as one of the best English songs ever.
If you're reading Dracula, the funniest part is when Jonathon fell asleep in the other room and the girl vampires are about to bite/kiss him, and Dracula walks in and there's this whole awkward conversation about who can 'love' the best and therefore who deserves to eat him, and Dracula's like, "oh, trust me, I know how to love... *looks at Jonathon*"... gotta love awkward, vampire, old man, homosexual appetites
ReplyDeleteCentipedes are sent by Satan. Everyone knows that.
ReplyDeleteYou're fun! And funny! My friend posted your blog on her Facebook, and so I clicked it and now I'm here and now I'm commenting....and yeah! Also, I agree with this Jenny character who said Centipedes are sent by Satan...
ReplyDeleteI'm done raving like a creepy lunatic now!
kay!
BYE!
This reminds me of a time I was watching TV late one day and I heard this noise, like something running really fast. It didn't help that I was watching the Walking Dead. As it turns out, the noise was an earwig running on the couch by my arm. I was so freaked out that I could actually hear it moving. When I saw it I flicked it across the room, where it landed right next to a centipede sent by Satan. Anyway, that's my story.
ReplyDelete