Little kid logic: Tree forts are now hot tubs.

So I just walked outside to put something in the garage, and my 6 year old brother says, "Hey Nedra." As I'm walking down the steps I happen to look up into our tree fort, and there he is, in his underwear, in all his half-naked glory. I say to him, "Hi Jean-Paul...Why are you in your underwear in the fort?"
And he gives me this innocent little smile and says, "Because this is my hot tub! I'm swimming!" And then he starts making these silly swimming actions.

It's moments like those I wish I would record and then play them back on his wedding day.
I really hope he gets a really awesome wife, because that little hot tubbin' munchkin deserves someone awesome.
And I will know that she's awesome if she has weird moments when she makes random animal noises for no reason(Like my self..Moo) or if she answers the question, "Are you a whale, or a jellyfish?", with either of those choices or both.
Now, if she comes up with something more awesome like, a gnome, or some sort of amazing animal, that counts, too.
But if she goes, "Uhm..Neither." Or gives me a really lame answer like, "I'm a human."  Then she's getting kicked to the curb, plain and simple. Sorry Jean-Paul, but that's the way it works.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Old people are what keep me youthful

So today I went to the drug store with my mom to pick up some medication and Spectro Jel which is supposed to heal acne. Before getting it I was walking through the isles while my mom was looking at something, and I happened to walk passed this couple discussing laxatives. So the older man said, "I can't get this one, because last time it didn't work, and I had to keep eating prunes." And then the lady was like, "You like prunes, though. They're good for you too. Just get this one with the happy lady on the front." And he was like, "I'm not getting a laxative with a happy lady on it because as soon as I go to sit on the toilet I'm going to be thinking of that damn lady smiling at me." And then she was all, "Are you saying you can't poop when you're thinking about ladies smiling at you?" And he started laughing a little bit and he was like, "Well you try pooping when you imagine a lady smiling at you." And then she said, "You know what. I'm just going to smile at you through the door while you're doing your business. You need to get over this crazy fear of yours, or else you'll end up on one of those TLC reality TV shows about strange phobias!"
I couldn't stop smiling as I was walking back to my mom. Old people just kill me sometimes. I hope I become a really awesome old person. If I was put into a nursing home I would terrorize visitors by following them around in my wheel chair while barking at them. Anyway.
After we got my medication and everything we were walking out of the store, and girl, who couldn't have been more than six was walking outside with her mom and she was like, "Mommy, can you pick me up? My legs are tiiiiiiiiired." and then she promptly sat down on the ground, and refused to move until her mom picked her up.
At this point, I was wondering if it would work, so I sat down in the parking lot and said, "Mom! I'm tired!!! Can you carry me to the car?"
My mom just looked at me and said, "XCenedra. Really. You're two inches taller than I am, and probably weigh more than me. I'm not going to pick you up. You can sit there for as long as you want, but I'm leaving if you don't get up." And then she walked to the van.
I'm kind of glad my mom didn't pick me up, because not only would the image look really strange, but she probably would have hurt herself in the process.

I need to bring an exorcist with me when I babysit

So last night I was babysitting at this lady's house and by the end of the night I was ready to get out of there.
I put the kids down around 10:30 and then I finished watching The Lord of the Rings. So, about an hour later I was just chillin' on the couch and all of a sudden I hear someone inhale, and exhale really deeply from upstairs, and then I hear running down the hallway. I was like "o.o Oh my gosh, Insidious...Where's the record player and Tiny Tim music!??" Fortunately they didn't have a record player, but I nearly pooped myself when my ring tone went off, and it played All the Single Ladies.
The weird occurrence happened every 15 minutes, and after the third time I walked up stairs into the hall way and said, "Okay Mr.Ghost, I'm guessing you're constipated, because you keep running to the bathroom, but could you at least keep it down? I'm trying to read Dracula.Sheesh."  And then I went back down stairs and it happened again!
I was totally getting fet up, and getting really freaked out, so I just kinda sat there. I imagined the ghost coming downstairs wearing Family Guy boxers and having a really hairy chest and being all like "Baby, come on, I just need to take my laxative. Once I'm done you and I can chill in the attic and I can show you my ghost moan." And then I would be like, " Uhm, excuse me? I'm on babysitting duty, and even if I wasn't, you're like what, 150 years old? Please grandpa, maybe you should take some Viagra with that laxative, and then come and find me."
After I was done thinking that though it sounded like someone fell down the stairs and I was like, "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THE OLD MAN FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!" So I ran to a corner of the room where I could see that nothing was going to get me and I kinda sobbed and silently prayed that I wouldn't get attacked by an old man ghost until I saw a frikken huge centipede run across the floor. So I sat on the couch and tried not to pee myself for the rest of the night.
Night well spent. Except next time I'm bringing holy water.

PS. I find it funny how the link I put for the Insidious song says "Best English Songs ever" in the title. Who would have thought that that freaky ass song would be categorized as one of the best English songs ever.

My twin named Mr.Timn, and my new name.

Today my friend told me that I reminded her of this one youtube character, Mr.Timn, by Julian Smith.

I'm not sure whether I should be flattered, or disturbed that I remind her of a man who harasses people through their widows.

I told her this when she said I reminded her of Mr.Timn and she said, "Well it's not as if you have a penis, as far as I know."

I looked at her, completely baffled and said "As far as you know!? Are you questioning my womanhood!? How do you think I got these fantastic boobs!?" and she was like, "There are some pretty skilled plastic surgeons in Canada." And I said, "Why would I go to a plastic surgeon to get breast implants if I was a man!? If I was man I would embrace my manhood!...Also, I would probably name my penis Pubert, change my last name to Bates, and get myself a butler who calls me Master." And she was like "...Why would you change your name to Bates and get a butler?"

And was all, "So he would call me Master Bates."

And she said, "...I feel sorry for your parents sometimes."

Pfft, if she feels sorry for anyone it should be my therapist.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Testicles are a common topic...Really!

A conversation I had with my brother moments ago.

Ray-jean(Brother): Would you like some chicken testicles with that face?

Me: Would you like some chicken testicles on *your* face?

Ray-Jean: Sure, I heard testicles are a known delicacy in Japan.

Me: I heard that *your* testicles are an UNknown delicacy in Japan.

Ray-Jean: How are they unknown?

Me: Because you have none!

Jean-Paul(youngest brother): OOOHHHHH!!!!

Me: See? He agrees with me.

Ray-Jean: (He whispered this in my ear) Shut your vagina -.-

Mean while my mother is in the other room laughing her face off. I think she's totally given up intervening with our immature humor. One woman can only take so much insanity...Unless she's a crazy cat lady who washes her hair with cat feces.
The first sign of extreme insanity is owning two or more cats and washing your hair with cat feces.
If you don't catch the signs soon enough, then you're pretty much doomed and might as well start dressing your two or more cats in dresses while pretending they're your children and planting kitchen appliances in your garden...Speaking of which I think I forgot to water the blender today.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Sometimes, you just have to dress up in a panda suit to feel pretty.

Today I've realized that I would look my best in a purple panda suit....And maybe if I didn't have friends I would be one of those people who's convinced that they're part animal, and always wear those needlessly large animal suits. I don't really understand those people. I mean, do you just wake up one day, pee on the carpet and say "Today, I am a dog!!" ?
If that ever happened though, I would probably start my own job as a party entertainer by day, and panda girl by night!
I will fight crime with an iron/squishy panda fist, making all evil do-ers cook me burritos, and threaten to sit on all who don't! And on slow nights, I'll just jump out and scare people.
But yeah..This is what it looks like..I want it more than a crack addict wants crack..

On another note, tomorrow is my last exam!!! *crowds cheering* I no longer have to go to that oppressive crack house our society calls school anymore...At least not until September.
Maybe if I get a purple panda suit, I'll wear it on the first day of school, and tackle random people.
Just imagine..Walking through the halls, and then a purple panda jumps on you, screaming a war chant...Good times...Good times..

On that note, I leave you with a picture of Will Smith.

I question whether it's me who's insane, or the world

Today, my therapist told me I was dysfunctional. Like I didn't already know that. (Physiotherapist, that is.)
While my limbs were being stretched and tenderized for the cannibalistic spawn my mother produced, I came to wonder what a frog would look like if it had a seizure. 
Then of course my mind went else where I thought about what it would be like if frogs ruled the world, and made humans their slaves and forced us to do the macarena at awkward times.
Needless to say, my mom agrees with my therapist.

I've also come to a conclusion as to how my mother has gotten her hair to be so shiny. My conclusion is cat feces. I told her this today on my home from therapy and this is pretty much how the conversation went.

Me: Mom, I know how you get your hair so shiny.

Mom: Really. What do you think it is?

Me: Cat feces.

Mom: *gasp* How did you know!?

Me: Well, it took a while, but I finally figured it out. All those times you said you were going for a walk, you were lying! You actually went to some crazy cat lady farm, and collected all of the cat feces.

Mom: Well, the secrets out. Now you know that I'm a crazy cat lady who washes her hair with cat poop.

Me: It's okay mom, I still love you, no matter what you wash your hair with.




I'm glad I have a mother who goes along with my weird antics. If not, they would have left me in a dumpster with the promise of free candy inside.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Sometimes you just need to shake your head and walk away.

About mid January I was talking to this one girl who sat beside me in french class. Now, let me fill you in on how this conversation came about. I was wearing bunny fur boots (which were killed humanely. Trust me, I know this.) And this is the conversation we had about these particular boots.

• Girl: How could you wear those boots! They were once bunnies!!!!
• Me: This is true, but they keep my feets warm. *wiggles feets*
• Girl: That's animal cruelty!
• Me: No, these were made by my mom's friend, who's a bunny farmer! He killed these bunnies humanely. I am not cruel to animals. Plus, you wear leather all the time, you shouldn't be hypocritical.
• Girl: Leather isn't an animal.
• Me: ....Yes it is. Leather is cows hide.
• Girl: Really? I didn't know that.
• Me: *Face palm* 

At that point I had to walk away. I knew I was going to start giggling like a drunk who's been told a knock-knock joke.
Some people shouldn't be allowed to go to school, especially if they're going to make a fool out of themselves.

Then again, this is coming from a girl who chews gum like a cow. I can't really expect anything more from her. Maybe one day the lightbulb will turn on...One day.

First post, WOO HOO!

Hai ^^
This is my first attempt at a blog, so, we'll see how it goes.
Well, here I go!