I Hate My Misfortune...

So today I got thrown up on by an old man who didn't speak English.
Yes, you heard me right.
Even now, since it's been at least 6 and a half hours since it's happened, I feel like I could cry about it.
It may have been the second nastiest thing I've experienced in my life. The first being accidentally eating hand lotion...I don't recommend eating hand lotion that's cinnamon flavored, if any of you were ever to eat hand lotion.

Anyway, the story goes, I was walking back home from school,  and I was just mindin' my own business, walking down the street like a boss, and a bus comes up beside me, and pulls into the bus stop that's in front of me. Just as I'm walking passed the bus stop, an old man stumbles out, and projectile vomits on my shirt, (thankfully, and mysteriously missing my favorite light blue skirt I was wearing earlier) and the pavement area around me.
And now I know I'm making this whole situation all like and airy, but let me make myself clear. HE THREW UP. ON ME. ME!
Do you have any idea how utterly disgusting that is?!
Some man, who I didn't even know, emptied his stomach content on my person!


As soon as it happened, I had one of those moments that never leaves you no matter how much you want to forget it.
 It was the kind of moment when you're standing there in shock, and you don't know what to do, and you're body is all tense, and then once you snap out of it you think, "What the HELL just happened!? Oh dear God."

So there I am, soiled with a mans vomit...just standing there in shock. If I wouldn't have been around other people, I would have sat down, and started crying. I'm not talking about the girly "pretty" crying you see in movies. I would have man cried. You'll understand that term if you've ever seen a man cry hysterically.

I had to fight with myself with everything I had, to stop myself from throwing up as well.

So, I looked at the man, then turned around an walked away, and started going back home again. The man didn't apologize. Didn't say anything. I don't believe he even spoke English.

So I got home, ripped off my clothes as soon as I dropped my bag off in my room, and ran into the bathroom, put my clothes in the tub, and took the hottest shower I've ever had in my life.

The physical evidence of the event may not be there anymore...But the emotional scars will never go away...

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Boys and Their Genetalia

Moments ago, my brothers were talking about how many things they've gotten their penises stuck in.
I find it kind of odd that I'm cringing at the though, because I don't by any means, have a penis, or anything like a penis.

Anyway, Rene, the 9 year old, when he was about 1 or 2 years old, we had this miniature fan, and Rene would always run around the house naked, so one day he was sitting down playing with the fan. and all of a sudden he starts screaming. When we all rush into the room, we found that his penis was stuck in the fan...We still don't know what exactly happened, and I don't think I really want to know how he managed that.

And as for Jean-Paul, the 6 year old, when he was 3 or 4 years old, he was playing with a light saber naked. So, he was sitting down, and playing with it, and all of a sudden he closed the light saber, and got his foreskin stuck in one of the cracks. You know, like, the folds in the light saber that makes it close?

Yeah...I think if I had a penis, I would definitely want it to get stuck in a light saber if it had to get stuck at all. Because that's just a badass way of hurting yourself.

Jean-Paul thinks it's so awesome that his junk got caught in a light saber. In fact, he still has that light saber. And he'll show it and tell the story to anyone who will listen.
Rene doesn't have as much humor for that. I think we threw that fan out....Shame, I'd have shown it at his wedding.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

This Is Why I'm So Smart

So, nothing really interesting has happened today except for about five minutes ago when I took off my headphones from listening music, and my mom was laying on top of my youngest brother saying, "I am NOT getting off of you until you say Wednesday! You need to say the days of the week."
I was slightly weirded out by this, and then I had a flashback to when I was learning the days of the week at his age.

Instead of laying on me, she just put catnip on my face and let the cat lick me until I completed the days of the week.

In the long run, I'm pretty sure it worked for my educaton. Of course she used that method for other lessons, and I think the only scars that I have from that method is randomly screaming when I see the continent of Africa, and having a nervous twitch every time I'm asked what 2+2 equals.

(Yes, I was homeschooled. Don't judge us, my family is probably the only one who teaches this way. Which is obviously the right way of teaching. Look at how I turned out.)

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Some people shouldn't go out in public

So yesterday I was at a restaurant with some of my friends, watching my one friend's band play.

So, we're just minding out own business at our table, everyone was eating supper, when this guy walks passed, kind of stops in front of our table, starts rubbing his stomach saying, "That looks good!" And then he walked away.

My friends and I were just looking at each other going, "What the heck? Who was that guy?"

Personally, I'm guessing he was some kind of time traveller going back in time to tell us about the destruction of the universe, but he got distracted by our food and forgot.

Also, there was this one guy, that was standing near the booth next to ours with REALLY tight pants...And it just to happened that he had a really massive erection...It was really awkward, because I could see EVERYTHING. And I couldn't look away.

Like, it was one of those things that you wanted to look away from, but because it's just so awkward, and noticeable, you can't.

So, I couldn't stop looking, and then he finally walked away and I turned over to my friends, and I was like, "Okay, I'm going to text one of you, and then you need to pass it over to Jessie, because this is way to embarrassing to mention out loud, and the guy is like, right there."

So I texted one of them, and then the phone made it rounds around the table. And then one of my friends was like "WHO!? Where!? LET ME SEE!"

I hang out around awesome people. Less than three, guys. Less than three. <3

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Art school FTW

So guys, I've just been accepted to an art school. The name of the school I will leave out, because 1. I think it's illegal, and 2. I don't really want you guys finding my school and gunning everyone down. Not that you would do that, right?

So, today I went to go get registered, and my mom and I ended up going to the wrong room. We went to the guidance office instead of the front desk. So we get there, and the lady was like "So when would you like your appointment to be?" And we were kinda like "Urm...We had an appointment already." For some reason this lady was really hard of hearing. And she was like, "What?" And then we repeated and then she was like "OH! You need to go down the hallway to the front desk."

So we get to the front desk and the head secretary kind of looked like Leonard's Ex-Girlfriend from the Big Bang Theory (Not penny, the other one) And she took one look at us and was like, "Ex-enedra?" And my mom and I were like, "No, XCenedra. Su-Ned-Ra." And then Leonard's Ex-girlfriend was like, "Same thing."

So once the principal was done with the first client, we were let in, and she was one of the nicest ladies ever. So much cooler than my last principal. (He was a bit of a grump, and he liked to swear and use old street slang during assemblies.)

We talked about my grades, and she said that they were really good, and that  I'm definitely in.

I asked her about the electives for classes, and she gave me a list. And I found out that I can take Italian. And  I figured out why *they* specifically taught Italian, and that's because the school is located in a very Italian part of town.

So, when I become fluent, I will be able to communicate in Italian to old Italian ladies and talking about "The old country" and such. And maybe go to Italy...And talk to some more old ladies.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Stripping a Boy of His Manhood

At camp, as soon as we got back from our canoe trip, and we were waiting for the bus to arrive and pick us up and bring us back to camp, Ethan, a guy who was on the trip, was bragging about his one really long nipple/chest hair.

The two male camp counsellors, Galaxy and Bender (Camp names) over heard this, and then walked up to Ethan and said. "You shouldn't have said that."

And Ethan's friends held him down while Galaxy and Bender plucked his nipple/chest hair.

It was really funny, because it was just like one, lone, long chest hair right beside his nipple.

Ethan was screaming the whole time, and saying, "NO GUYS! COME ON! HE'S MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND! IT TOOK FOREVER TO GROW HIM!!!"

And then they finally plucked it, and then walked away.

Ethan was just laying there in shock for a few seconds and looking up at the sky. Then all of a sudden he was like, "AHH! *lifts up shirt and looks and takes a deep breath* AHH!!!" And it went like that for about 3 minutes.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)

Severus Snake Vs. Neville Frogbottom

Hey guys! I'm finally back from camp, and I had a blast!
I met some really awesome new people, and I have some really fun experiences.

There was this one instance when my camp group was on our canoeing trip. We had had a storm earlier that morning, and the wind and a little bit of rain was all that was left behind.

We thought it was fog at first, and then we were like "HOLY CRAP! That's rain!" So we had to pack up everything as fast as we could.

Believe it or not, it got darker than this. And keep in mind that this was in the morning. It was like night all over again when it hit.

In case none of you know, I'm pretty much terrified of canoeing because of a very horrible first experience.

Anyway, we had to canoe against the wind that morning, and I had to steer, which I'm not very good at.

So, my partner, Nour, and I are trying to keep up with the group, while going against the wind. There were pretty large waves, and the wind was very rough.

We go to turn around a corner of a small island, when we get stuck on rocks. The canoe before us had the same problem, so we didn't really think it would be hard to get out, because they got out fairly quickly.

Nour gets out of the boat, and tries to pull us over these rocks, and every time he got us out of that little area, the wind and the waves would just put us back in. So after about 6-7 minutes of him trying to get us out, I thought I'd give it a go.

I tries for at least 8 minutes, and then gave up.

I started crying tears of frustration, exhaustion, and fear, because we could no longer see our group.

And let me tell you, it wasn't those cutesy little princess tears.

I was sobbing uncontrollably. I was wet, cold, and scared, and I couldn't really think of anything else to do besides cry.

So my partner, Nour, was all like "Don't cry, XCenedra! We can make it out of this! EVERY THING'S GOING TO BE OKAY! OKAY!?!?"

So we just sat there, with me crying until a canoe filled with our counsellors came back and helped us out.

Funny, and not so funny enough, the whole rest of the day went pretty much like that.

After that eventful canoe trip, we made it to our final camp site before we headed back to camp. When our vessel hit land, Nour and I were basically rolling on the ground with joy....And yet we were only in the canoe for about three hours.

 I knew I would never make it as a sailor..

Anyway, once we set up both of our camp sites, we were eating lunch, when all of a sudden my friend Naomi was all like, "GUYS! Look! There's a snake eating a frog!" So everyone ran over by our tent, and watched a snake eat a frog for almost 45 minutes.

The snake's name is Severus Snake, and the frog's name is Neville Frogbottom.

We discussed this whilst Neville was being eaten.

It was rather amusing, because pretty much all of the boys were amazed that all the girls were fascinated by a snake eating a frog.

But then again, it did take the boys at least 45 minutes to find fire wood, and yet only come back with four sticks. I think on this trip, the girls were better than the boys on performance, and all around activity.

Good fight, boys.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)