Old people are what keep me youthful

So today I went to the drug store with my mom to pick up some medication and Spectro Jel which is supposed to heal acne. Before getting it I was walking through the isles while my mom was looking at something, and I happened to walk passed this couple discussing laxatives. So the older man said, "I can't get this one, because last time it didn't work, and I had to keep eating prunes." And then the lady was like, "You like prunes, though. They're good for you too. Just get this one with the happy lady on the front." And he was like, "I'm not getting a laxative with a happy lady on it because as soon as I go to sit on the toilet I'm going to be thinking of that damn lady smiling at me." And then she was all, "Are you saying you can't poop when you're thinking about ladies smiling at you?" And he started laughing a little bit and he was like, "Well you try pooping when you imagine a lady smiling at you." And then she said, "You know what. I'm just going to smile at you through the door while you're doing your business. You need to get over this crazy fear of yours, or else you'll end up on one of those TLC reality TV shows about strange phobias!"
I couldn't stop smiling as I was walking back to my mom. Old people just kill me sometimes. I hope I become a really awesome old person. If I was put into a nursing home I would terrorize visitors by following them around in my wheel chair while barking at them. Anyway.
After we got my medication and everything we were walking out of the store, and girl, who couldn't have been more than six was walking outside with her mom and she was like, "Mommy, can you pick me up? My legs are tiiiiiiiiired." and then she promptly sat down on the ground, and refused to move until her mom picked her up.
At this point, I was wondering if it would work, so I sat down in the parking lot and said, "Mom! I'm tired!!! Can you carry me to the car?"
My mom just looked at me and said, "XCenedra. Really. You're two inches taller than I am, and probably weigh more than me. I'm not going to pick you up. You can sit there for as long as you want, but I'm leaving if you don't get up." And then she walked to the van.
I'm kind of glad my mom didn't pick me up, because not only would the image look really strange, but she probably would have hurt herself in the process.

I question whether it's me who's insane, or the world

Today, my therapist told me I was dysfunctional. Like I didn't already know that. (Physiotherapist, that is.)
While my limbs were being stretched and tenderized for the cannibalistic spawn my mother produced, I came to wonder what a frog would look like if it had a seizure. 
Then of course my mind went else where I thought about what it would be like if frogs ruled the world, and made humans their slaves and forced us to do the macarena at awkward times.
Needless to say, my mom agrees with my therapist.

I've also come to a conclusion as to how my mother has gotten her hair to be so shiny. My conclusion is cat feces. I told her this today on my home from therapy and this is pretty much how the conversation went.

Me: Mom, I know how you get your hair so shiny.

Mom: Really. What do you think it is?

Me: Cat feces.

Mom: *gasp* How did you know!?

Me: Well, it took a while, but I finally figured it out. All those times you said you were going for a walk, you were lying! You actually went to some crazy cat lady farm, and collected all of the cat feces.

Mom: Well, the secrets out. Now you know that I'm a crazy cat lady who washes her hair with cat poop.

Me: It's okay mom, I still love you, no matter what you wash your hair with.




I'm glad I have a mother who goes along with my weird antics. If not, they would have left me in a dumpster with the promise of free candy inside.

~XCenedra (Su-Ned-Ra)